On the Eve of Destruction

Dear Smart T,

I’m a good dog, really I am. But sometimes, my humans just can’t give me the time of day.....like a few weeks ago. They gave me a bath, let me run around for a while and then they left to do who knows what and who knows where. I was NOT happy. After all that bath excitement, I still had a lot of energy. And then THIS happened…

When they returned (from who knows where..), they were NOT HAPPY. Can you imagine? I was not happy when they left me alone with all of that post-bath energy!

Mr. Smart T, any advice for the parties involved? I love your column and look forward to your input.

Drop some wisdom on me, Smart T!

Signed,

A Curly Dog

Dear Curly Dog,

I must say that is some impressive work. What humans don’t understand is that we dogs like the way we smell - especially if we have a good “stink” going on. The last thing we want is to take a bath, which will get water in our ears and smelly soap (mine uses coconut) on our bodies. So when it is finally over, we can be overstimulated and need to run around - A LOT. And we want to dry off - fast - so we rub ourselves on anything and everything. That includes pillows, carpets, furniture and possibly (wink, wink) dirt outside.

Obviously if you can avoid the bath by making yourself scarce is your best option. Look for the telltale signs - the gathering of the soap, hose, tub, towels and the humans being extra nice when they call you. Then its time to get under that bed or in the closet. But if you get caught and have to go through with it, get it over with as soon as possible. Then run around and rub yourself everywhere - especially where the humans like to sit. Humans don’t like wet butts so maybe they’ll think twice about that bath thing again.

Thanks for the kind words about the column!

Mr. Smart T. Pants